"I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts." -John Locke
What I was saying and what I was doing were in complete contrast. On one hand I was saying that the scale and other similar measures didn't matter. That my character was not to be judged by any number. But my actions told a different story. Each morning I would step on the scale to be judged: good or bad. I would get out a tape measure weekly to see if the jury would convict or exonerate me. I based my self worth on how my smallest jeans fit.
My actions were displaying my true thoughts.
The scale was an idol. The tape measure a ruler. The jeans a shrine. All shouting that my size was the most important thing about me, no matter what my words were saying.
The first principle of Intuitive Eating is to reject the dieting mentality. To really grasp once and for all that "dieting" doesn't work. Usually "dieting" results in weight gain in the long run. We are often able to "white knuckle" it through bouts of restrictive eating only to find ourselves in situations of uncontrollable binging after...which is a mix of biology (our ancestors didn't want to starve) and psychology (tell me I can't have something and I want it even more). Or we find ourselves at the other end of the spectrum where we are truly afraid to eat.
Part of letting go of the dieting mentality is getting rid of the false measurements of success. If I really believed the scale didn't determine my worth, why did I step on it everyday to determine my mood? So in March I packed away the scale. I also packed away diet books (seriously, with at best a 5% success rate, why had I wasted money on these??) and clothes that would fit "if I just lost five pounds." It was scary. I was afraid without those measures I would surely pack on 100 pounds within a few months.
But I asked myself, in the next five years if I could eat nutritiously, exercise for mental and physical health, and have a healthy relationship with food but the scale remained the same or (gasp) even went up, would it be worth it? And what was I risking? I was already struggling to keep off the weight I had lost. If I tried this grand experiment of ditching the scale (and the dieting mentality) and it was horrible, I could always buy another book.
Almost four months after packing away the scale I can honestly say it's been one of the most freeing things I've done. My day is no longer determined by the scale. I don't just say my self worth isn't determined by a number on the scale, I follow through. The scale is packed away in the deep catacombs of my basement, and I plan to leave it there...unless I dig it out to throw it out our second story window.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
What is intuitive eating?
"Ready, set..."
"Just jump in..."
"Ready 1-2-3..."
"Just jump in, you'll be fine..."
Similar phrases have been uttered from my mouth over and over and over again this summer as our six year old is trying to learn to swim. She is a logical thinker who likes to know the exact outcome of any move along with possible ways it could go wrong. And for a six year old with a tendency to worry, learning to jump in the pool leaves lots of unknowns. So she hesitates. And hesitates. And hesitates. Slowly she's gotten her courage. Slowly she's been brave enough to put her face in the water. Brave enough to jump.
I've felt a lot like her lately with my writing. I'm afraid that my words won't be well received. I'm afraid that I'll make some big proclamation about a goal or a plan only to see it all crumble a month later. So I hesitate. And hesitate. Slowly I'm remembering, I write for me. The joy is in the writing. If others actually read, all the better. If others actually enjoy the words, I am beyond blessed. But that's just icing on the cake.
Cake...
Wait, where was I?
Ah, yes. I've always been cautious about writing about a specific nutrition plan, aside from our trials with eating only whole foods. I'm afraid that I'll promote something that a month later I realize isn't the greatest plan. But I've also been wanting to share more about "Intuitive Eating." I'm going to stop hesitating. I'm going to write. I'm going to share from my experience about the book* and the ideas that have changed how I view food.
What is intuitive eating?
In my words, it's learning to listen to your internal cues for hunger and fullness. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you are full. Most of human history people have done this (that is, when food was actually available). Yet largely due to the marketing of foods, foods that are designed to eat beyond fullness, and chronic dieting, we've completely lost touch with hunger. We either constantly eat and never really feel hungry or restrict our eating to the point where we ignore our hunger. We eat out of habit. We eat out of emotion. We restrict out of guilt. Often times our hunger and fullness cues are so blunted by ignoring them we have no idea when we are hungry or full. Intuitive eating is learning to listen to those cues and can be helpful both for those who chronically restrict food to the point of ill health to those who constantly overeat for a variety of reasons.
It's no small coincidence that we as a society are dealing with both overeating and under-eating. Even those at a "normal" weight often cycle between times of restricting ("dieting") and times of overeating, often after a diet or before gearing up for the next one. Been there? I have. It's an unhealthy merry-go-round and I wanted off. I was regaining weight and had started looking for the next plan...the one that would hopefully be the holy grail of all things skinny. But I also knew the statistics that no matter the plan, people fell off more often than they were able to stay on. Chronic dieting is the biggest predictor of weight GAIN (yes) and also is more likely to lead someone to a clinical eating disorder. Why would I continue to engage in something (dieting) that had a better chance of doing harm than achieving a healthy outcome? So I looked around and found the few intuitive eaters I knew. Saw how they never obsessed over food. They stayed a natural healthy weight for them. I wanted that. No obsession. Health.
So in March I bellyflopped into principle #1: "Banishing the dieting mentality."
*Information about intuitive eating can be found in the book "Intuitive Eating, 3rd Ed" by Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch. I can't recommend the book enough.
"Just jump in..."
"Ready 1-2-3..."
"Just jump in, you'll be fine..."
Similar phrases have been uttered from my mouth over and over and over again this summer as our six year old is trying to learn to swim. She is a logical thinker who likes to know the exact outcome of any move along with possible ways it could go wrong. And for a six year old with a tendency to worry, learning to jump in the pool leaves lots of unknowns. So she hesitates. And hesitates. And hesitates. Slowly she's gotten her courage. Slowly she's been brave enough to put her face in the water. Brave enough to jump.
I've felt a lot like her lately with my writing. I'm afraid that my words won't be well received. I'm afraid that I'll make some big proclamation about a goal or a plan only to see it all crumble a month later. So I hesitate. And hesitate. Slowly I'm remembering, I write for me. The joy is in the writing. If others actually read, all the better. If others actually enjoy the words, I am beyond blessed. But that's just icing on the cake.
Cake...
Wait, where was I?
Ah, yes. I've always been cautious about writing about a specific nutrition plan, aside from our trials with eating only whole foods. I'm afraid that I'll promote something that a month later I realize isn't the greatest plan. But I've also been wanting to share more about "Intuitive Eating." I'm going to stop hesitating. I'm going to write. I'm going to share from my experience about the book* and the ideas that have changed how I view food.
What is intuitive eating?
In my words, it's learning to listen to your internal cues for hunger and fullness. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you are full. Most of human history people have done this (that is, when food was actually available). Yet largely due to the marketing of foods, foods that are designed to eat beyond fullness, and chronic dieting, we've completely lost touch with hunger. We either constantly eat and never really feel hungry or restrict our eating to the point where we ignore our hunger. We eat out of habit. We eat out of emotion. We restrict out of guilt. Often times our hunger and fullness cues are so blunted by ignoring them we have no idea when we are hungry or full. Intuitive eating is learning to listen to those cues and can be helpful both for those who chronically restrict food to the point of ill health to those who constantly overeat for a variety of reasons.
It's no small coincidence that we as a society are dealing with both overeating and under-eating. Even those at a "normal" weight often cycle between times of restricting ("dieting") and times of overeating, often after a diet or before gearing up for the next one. Been there? I have. It's an unhealthy merry-go-round and I wanted off. I was regaining weight and had started looking for the next plan...the one that would hopefully be the holy grail of all things skinny. But I also knew the statistics that no matter the plan, people fell off more often than they were able to stay on. Chronic dieting is the biggest predictor of weight GAIN (yes) and also is more likely to lead someone to a clinical eating disorder. Why would I continue to engage in something (dieting) that had a better chance of doing harm than achieving a healthy outcome? So I looked around and found the few intuitive eaters I knew. Saw how they never obsessed over food. They stayed a natural healthy weight for them. I wanted that. No obsession. Health.
So in March I bellyflopped into principle #1: "Banishing the dieting mentality."
*Information about intuitive eating can be found in the book "Intuitive Eating, 3rd Ed" by Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch. I can't recommend the book enough.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
What I've gained...
The blogsphere and diet book world are full of stories of what people have gained by losing (weight). Heck, I've probably written a post or two about it. But seldom does anyone ever write about the process of regaining weight, unless it is with a firm resolve to start back on a path toward smaller-ness. Or sometimes there is a confession about eating too many seconds and not enough minutes on the treadmill. Such reflections are often filled with guilt and remorse and a question: how did I fail again??
But I'd like to take a different path. What have I gained by (re)gaining? Yes, about 18 months ago I did what I thought was impossible and lost a bunch of weight and kept it off for a good 9 months. Then slowly I wasn't nearly so militant about my meals. One thing led to another...but I'm here to say it isn't all bad. Here's what I've gained:
1. An appreciation for those who have struggled with weight maintenance. I always figured "how hard can it be? If you lose weight you should be able to keep it off." Yet 95% of people who set out to lose weight either never get there or are unable to keep it off. Why? Part of it is old habits dying hard. Part of it is biology kicking in and amping up hunger hormones. I never understood it, but now I get it on both an academic and a personal level. And I finally understand all those people who desperately want to get back to their high school size. My high school size was nothing to aspire to, but now I have pictures of a smaller me that taunt me.
2. An improved body acceptance. Yup. This body. Right here, right now. The one that no longer fits into my cute jeans but has more energy to go out and play with the kids. The one that is worrying less about each and every bite of food and more focus on those I share my meals with. At my smallest I really was a slave to food and exercise even though I was eating very little. Every thought was an obsession over how each and every part of my life would affect the scale. It made me pretty self-centered and unable to devote myself to things that really mattered. And I was never accepting of my body at my smallest. I'm now actually more accepting of my body here and now.
3. A final commitment to getting out of the dieting trap. In the book "Intuitive Eating" the authors describe our first diet as being similar to a first "love"...intoxicating. We always look back at that first diet with longing, thinking if only we could rekindle that same magic we could find ourselves back into smaller jeans bliss. But most of us (see #1) are going to be stuck on the dieting roller coaster. I would say every single diet plan out there claims to be a "lifestyle change", but we are often unable to keep up with that lifestyle for a variety of reasons. I saw it in myself and I see it all around me, people either constantly on a diet or looking for the next big one that will work. All that paired with times of overeating before the "lifestyle change." I don't want to be always looking at the next diet or be a slave to the scale. I want to live.
So does all this mean I've thrown health, fitness, and nutrition in the garbage? No, eating nutritious foods helps my body and mind feel better. I just no longer beat myself up if what I consume isn't nutritionally perfect. I still exercise for my mental health and for lifetime health. And I'm actually finding I enjoy both nutritious foods and exercise more when I'm pursuing them out of health and enjoyment rather than out of guilt.
But I'd like to take a different path. What have I gained by (re)gaining? Yes, about 18 months ago I did what I thought was impossible and lost a bunch of weight and kept it off for a good 9 months. Then slowly I wasn't nearly so militant about my meals. One thing led to another...but I'm here to say it isn't all bad. Here's what I've gained:
1. An appreciation for those who have struggled with weight maintenance. I always figured "how hard can it be? If you lose weight you should be able to keep it off." Yet 95% of people who set out to lose weight either never get there or are unable to keep it off. Why? Part of it is old habits dying hard. Part of it is biology kicking in and amping up hunger hormones. I never understood it, but now I get it on both an academic and a personal level. And I finally understand all those people who desperately want to get back to their high school size. My high school size was nothing to aspire to, but now I have pictures of a smaller me that taunt me.
2. An improved body acceptance. Yup. This body. Right here, right now. The one that no longer fits into my cute jeans but has more energy to go out and play with the kids. The one that is worrying less about each and every bite of food and more focus on those I share my meals with. At my smallest I really was a slave to food and exercise even though I was eating very little. Every thought was an obsession over how each and every part of my life would affect the scale. It made me pretty self-centered and unable to devote myself to things that really mattered. And I was never accepting of my body at my smallest. I'm now actually more accepting of my body here and now.
3. A final commitment to getting out of the dieting trap. In the book "Intuitive Eating" the authors describe our first diet as being similar to a first "love"...intoxicating. We always look back at that first diet with longing, thinking if only we could rekindle that same magic we could find ourselves back into smaller jeans bliss. But most of us (see #1) are going to be stuck on the dieting roller coaster. I would say every single diet plan out there claims to be a "lifestyle change", but we are often unable to keep up with that lifestyle for a variety of reasons. I saw it in myself and I see it all around me, people either constantly on a diet or looking for the next big one that will work. All that paired with times of overeating before the "lifestyle change." I don't want to be always looking at the next diet or be a slave to the scale. I want to live.
So does all this mean I've thrown health, fitness, and nutrition in the garbage? No, eating nutritious foods helps my body and mind feel better. I just no longer beat myself up if what I consume isn't nutritionally perfect. I still exercise for my mental health and for lifetime health. And I'm actually finding I enjoy both nutritious foods and exercise more when I'm pursuing them out of health and enjoyment rather than out of guilt.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Debt Free Marriage
This picture was taken exactly 10 years ago, almost to the minute. We were young. Blissful. Naive.
Ours was a whirlwind courtship. We got engaged after six weeks of dating. We were married eight months later. We were basically complete strangers just sure we were in love. I can't even remember what made us think that it was a good idea to get married so quickly. We laugh now thinking about how little we actually knew about each other.
During our engagement we both made the commitment to try and live debt free. We both entered the marriage with debt: student loans, vehicles, credit cards...typical consumer debt. We wanted to set our marriage out on the right foot so on our honeymoon we agreed only to spend the cash we had saved and what we had received as a wedding gift, which meant midway through our honeymoon we were eating "Bowl Appetites" made in our hotel microwave and watching really lame movies on cable TV. It wasn't "fun", but it started us off on the right foot by keeping our commitment to living debt free.
It took us several years to reach the point of debt freedom. While we have never been without, we also made sacrifices. We spent one anniversary eating tuna melts at home because we didn't have "extra" money that month. In general, we have not bought expensive gifts for each other for birthdays, Christmas, or our anniversary. The process of us moving in the same direction as a couple has been worth more to our marriage than an expensive meal out or a consumer gift that is soon forgotten.
Having a shared focus in our finances has helped make us stronger as a couple. Now that we are debt free, we are starting to be a little more open to spending money on some "fun" things to celebrate our marriage. But it also means that for now we are still driving our 11 year old van until we can save up enough to pay cash for a newer one. It means that we still make a budget every month. It means we keep a common commitment to stay debt free.
The concept of living debt free carries over into our relationships. I did not want 1 Corinthians 13 read at our wedding. I didn't want to be held accountable for "love keeping no record of wrongs" (surely that's not the correct translation...it's in my nature to keep a record of wrongs). My husband is a natural "forgiver." I swear he forgets my faulty actions before I can even say "I'm sorry." I'm much different. It's in my nature to want to hold on to every little hurt, hoarding them for future ammunition. Yet just like it's not easy or necessarily fun to live debt free, it is certainly worth the peace. The peace that forgiveness brings is worth more than gold, silver, or even a new minivan.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Becoming Me
I feel like a bad friend. The kind of friend who just comes around when it's convenient. I've been a little silent on a blog front...and for a few reasons. One is I have been censoring some of my post ideas like "Keep Your Opinion on My Uterus to Yourself". Another reason is I have been working through some perspective issues when it comes to food, weight, activity, and how that all fits into my identity.
A year ago I was at my lowest weight ever. I had accomplished something. As a people pleaser, I felt on top of the world with all the positive comments. And although I said the scale wasn't important and I said my value was more than how I looked, how I looked was becoming the biggest thing in my life. And even though I was at my lowest I was never satisfied with how I looked. Something was always wrong, and I was becoming highly self absorbed...like more than normal.
And then around the holidays I started to gain back some weight. Little by little it was creeping on and I found myself searching for the next magic bullet of the diet world. But I also saw others on that merry-go-round of weight up, weight down, weight up, weight down...going from one perfect "plan" to another in hopes that THIS would be the last one. I wanted off that merry-go-round, but I was afraid of what that meant for my weight.
You could say I was in a bit of a mental/physical tailspin. I had stopped doing any major exercise for a time since I was literally wanting to cry I dreaded the things I "should" be doing. For someone who loves being active, to find myself hating activity was not a happy place to be. I also struggled with my identity. After I lost weight I was ready to define myself as the gal who had always been overweight, finally been able to lose it, and I was going to be the one who kept it off and inspired others to do the same. It was going to be Me.
But I really wasn't liking that Me. The one who was self-absorbed, obsessed with the scale (despite saying otherwise), and a little over cranky with my family if they messed up my eating or exercise. My husband said I was pretty unhappy, although I couldn't see it. I was ready to try "the next big thing" when I came across "Intuitive Eating". Although my introduction to IE was through a fitness magazine that promoted it as a weight loss tool, IE is more about self-awareness that has nothing to do with the scale. I'm learning a lot about myself and by no means am I an expert on IE. I will say that the process is leading to a place of self-acceptance while also seeking health through fitness and nutrition. That may or may not mean weight loss (or weight gain). For me, it has meant improved mental health, a better perspective on the things that are really important in life, and a renewed interest in exercise and nutrition for health having (truly) nothing to do with weight.
I was a little sad to say good-bye to the thinner me. I looked back at pictures yesterday and thought "dang, girl..." But I decided what it took me to get and stay there wasn't worth it. So I'm not going to be the woman who lost weight, kept it off, and inspired others to do the same. I'm not going to be someone I thought others would like based off of cultural stereotypes of beauty.
And I promise not to write about a uterus (mine or anyone else's.)
A year ago I was at my lowest weight ever. I had accomplished something. As a people pleaser, I felt on top of the world with all the positive comments. And although I said the scale wasn't important and I said my value was more than how I looked, how I looked was becoming the biggest thing in my life. And even though I was at my lowest I was never satisfied with how I looked. Something was always wrong, and I was becoming highly self absorbed...like more than normal.
And then around the holidays I started to gain back some weight. Little by little it was creeping on and I found myself searching for the next magic bullet of the diet world. But I also saw others on that merry-go-round of weight up, weight down, weight up, weight down...going from one perfect "plan" to another in hopes that THIS would be the last one. I wanted off that merry-go-round, but I was afraid of what that meant for my weight.
You could say I was in a bit of a mental/physical tailspin. I had stopped doing any major exercise for a time since I was literally wanting to cry I dreaded the things I "should" be doing. For someone who loves being active, to find myself hating activity was not a happy place to be. I also struggled with my identity. After I lost weight I was ready to define myself as the gal who had always been overweight, finally been able to lose it, and I was going to be the one who kept it off and inspired others to do the same. It was going to be Me.
But I really wasn't liking that Me. The one who was self-absorbed, obsessed with the scale (despite saying otherwise), and a little over cranky with my family if they messed up my eating or exercise. My husband said I was pretty unhappy, although I couldn't see it. I was ready to try "the next big thing" when I came across "Intuitive Eating". Although my introduction to IE was through a fitness magazine that promoted it as a weight loss tool, IE is more about self-awareness that has nothing to do with the scale. I'm learning a lot about myself and by no means am I an expert on IE. I will say that the process is leading to a place of self-acceptance while also seeking health through fitness and nutrition. That may or may not mean weight loss (or weight gain). For me, it has meant improved mental health, a better perspective on the things that are really important in life, and a renewed interest in exercise and nutrition for health having (truly) nothing to do with weight.
I was a little sad to say good-bye to the thinner me. I looked back at pictures yesterday and thought "dang, girl..." But I decided what it took me to get and stay there wasn't worth it. So I'm not going to be the woman who lost weight, kept it off, and inspired others to do the same. I'm not going to be someone I thought others would like based off of cultural stereotypes of beauty.
And I promise not to write about a uterus (mine or anyone else's.)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Food and emotions
It's been a hard week. Okay, that may be an understatement. It has been a completely emotionally draining week, and it's just Wednesday. I'm even having a hard time generating words to explain everything that has been going on. The bombings at the Boston Marathon really shook me. As a (kinda) runner, I imagined the runners who had trained for such a difficult race that usually ends in celebration simply for finishing, which was suddenly turned into a tragic event. I also thought of the athletic trainers and athletic training students that I knew were helping in the medical tents. I thought about how they went from helping athletes with dehydration to dealing with injuries that would shake even the most experienced in emergency medicine. And how they will never be the same.
That same day our community was praying for a husband, father, teacher, and coach that had been in a tragic car accident on Saturday. He passed away the next day. Those of you who live in a small community understand how such a loss affects everyone. I ache for his family, his friends, his students, his fellow coaches, and players.
Add to that several friends and family members that are walking through their own trials. In all of these things I feel helpless to do anything. I can't fix any of it. There may be things I can do do help with the burdens, but I cannot heal any of it. It is a completely unnerving feeling.
When life gets stressful like this I want to run away. Or eat. Or run away and eat. When life is out of control food is the one thing I can control. I can shovel food in my mouth to help soothe that sadness that feels like hunger. Others will do the opposite and not eat anything in an effort to control something in life. Both actions are an effort to help control the one thing in life we can control, food. But then it quickly spirals into the food controlling us.
I've been working through the book "Intuitive Eating." The 7th principle is to cope with emotions without using food. Sounds easy, until the emotions are so intense that food seems like the only thing that will help. Monday I found myself with knife in hand and loaf of banana bread ahead of me. Back to what I knew. After a few years of dieting it is pretty easy for me to fall back into emotional eating. And the food does temporarily feel good. But in the end the emotions are still there, waiting to be dealt with. I literally said "step away from the banana bread." Not because banana bread is evil, but because I was ready to binge to try and deal with life. And I knew it wouldn't stop with that one loaf.
It's been a few days of reminding myself it's okay to eat for hunger, but mindlessly eating to try and stuff down emotions doesn't heal the emotions. I need to find other ways of dealing with the emotions. For me finding several different ways to deal...sometimes talking with friends, sometimes being alone. Sometimes finding a chance to laugh, sometimes finding a moment to cry. Sometimes going for a run or walk to use the "fight or flight" hormones that are increased, sometimes simply sitting in the quiet. In all things remembering that even when I can't understand God's plan, He's still there.
That same day our community was praying for a husband, father, teacher, and coach that had been in a tragic car accident on Saturday. He passed away the next day. Those of you who live in a small community understand how such a loss affects everyone. I ache for his family, his friends, his students, his fellow coaches, and players.
Add to that several friends and family members that are walking through their own trials. In all of these things I feel helpless to do anything. I can't fix any of it. There may be things I can do do help with the burdens, but I cannot heal any of it. It is a completely unnerving feeling.
When life gets stressful like this I want to run away. Or eat. Or run away and eat. When life is out of control food is the one thing I can control. I can shovel food in my mouth to help soothe that sadness that feels like hunger. Others will do the opposite and not eat anything in an effort to control something in life. Both actions are an effort to help control the one thing in life we can control, food. But then it quickly spirals into the food controlling us.
I've been working through the book "Intuitive Eating." The 7th principle is to cope with emotions without using food. Sounds easy, until the emotions are so intense that food seems like the only thing that will help. Monday I found myself with knife in hand and loaf of banana bread ahead of me. Back to what I knew. After a few years of dieting it is pretty easy for me to fall back into emotional eating. And the food does temporarily feel good. But in the end the emotions are still there, waiting to be dealt with. I literally said "step away from the banana bread." Not because banana bread is evil, but because I was ready to binge to try and deal with life. And I knew it wouldn't stop with that one loaf.
It's been a few days of reminding myself it's okay to eat for hunger, but mindlessly eating to try and stuff down emotions doesn't heal the emotions. I need to find other ways of dealing with the emotions. For me finding several different ways to deal...sometimes talking with friends, sometimes being alone. Sometimes finding a chance to laugh, sometimes finding a moment to cry. Sometimes going for a run or walk to use the "fight or flight" hormones that are increased, sometimes simply sitting in the quiet. In all things remembering that even when I can't understand God's plan, He's still there.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
FABULOUS...& flawed
It all started with the innocent unwrapping of a Dove Mint & Dark Chocolate square. Inside each little candy is an uplifting thought, many encouraging you to enjoy...eat more chocolate. This particular wrapper bore the thought "It's OK to be fabulous AND flawed." That thought has had my little mind racing ever since.
On the outside we are always trying to project our fabulous...our flawless fabulous. We strive for fabulous homes and are often left saddened with the constant realization that our homes will never be like those in Better Homes and Gardens. We want fabulous children that never misbehave and excel at everything. We want a flawless marriage, a fabulous body, and flawless skin. We are constantly bombarded by products and services that promise to take us from flawed to fabulous. We never let on that we are anything but fabulous (if we can help it). Often the pictures we post on facebook are the ones where our kids are looking oh so cute or perfect...or even if they are messy it is a cute mess. We share the cute stories and accomplishments. We spend so much energy trying to be flawless...only having it become more painfully clear that we are anything but flawless.
What we feel down deep is completely flawed. Each of us has our own areas where we feel like a flawed failure. We each know the crud we deal with...body image, issues in our marriage, painful memories, children that are struggling in school or life, a face that reveals both wrinkles and acne (maybe that one is just me). Often we don't want to share our flaws with others, yet we are constantly reminded of them to the point of obsession. We forget that our flaws also mean something fabulous. I know it is sometimes very difficult to see any blessing in our flaws, but if nothing else they help us connect with others when we are honest.
I've become more thankful about some things in my past, particularly my weight. Through most of elementary and all of high school I was overweight, and generally not by just a little. And it was at a time when most other kids did not carry a little extra fluff. I was teased. I took that to mean I was undesirable, that I wasn't going to succeed. I didn't run for student council because I did think anyone would vote for an overweight girl. I didn't think any guy would want to date me because of my size so I often dressed in oversized, frumpy clothes. In fact I spent most of my senior year wearing one of my dad's old flannel shirts that was 3 or 4 sizes too big. But lately I've become oh so thankful for that past.
Why? Because I never defined myself with beauty I spent time trying to better myself in other areas: academics, friendships, and service. Because I felt no guy would want to date me and often dressed the part, I have very few heartaches in the ex-boyfriend department. I became a stronger woman because of my flaws. I can look back at my high school self and appreciate that fabulously flawed girl.
Yes, we are flawed and fabulous. Perfectly imperfect. And I'm realizing more we don't necessarily need to fix all of our flaws. Sometimes it's by embracing our flaws that we can realize how they have made us fabulous.
How about you? How are you fabulously flawed?
On the outside we are always trying to project our fabulous...our flawless fabulous. We strive for fabulous homes and are often left saddened with the constant realization that our homes will never be like those in Better Homes and Gardens. We want fabulous children that never misbehave and excel at everything. We want a flawless marriage, a fabulous body, and flawless skin. We are constantly bombarded by products and services that promise to take us from flawed to fabulous. We never let on that we are anything but fabulous (if we can help it). Often the pictures we post on facebook are the ones where our kids are looking oh so cute or perfect...or even if they are messy it is a cute mess. We share the cute stories and accomplishments. We spend so much energy trying to be flawless...only having it become more painfully clear that we are anything but flawless.
What we feel down deep is completely flawed. Each of us has our own areas where we feel like a flawed failure. We each know the crud we deal with...body image, issues in our marriage, painful memories, children that are struggling in school or life, a face that reveals both wrinkles and acne (maybe that one is just me). Often we don't want to share our flaws with others, yet we are constantly reminded of them to the point of obsession. We forget that our flaws also mean something fabulous. I know it is sometimes very difficult to see any blessing in our flaws, but if nothing else they help us connect with others when we are honest.
I've become more thankful about some things in my past, particularly my weight. Through most of elementary and all of high school I was overweight, and generally not by just a little. And it was at a time when most other kids did not carry a little extra fluff. I was teased. I took that to mean I was undesirable, that I wasn't going to succeed. I didn't run for student council because I did think anyone would vote for an overweight girl. I didn't think any guy would want to date me because of my size so I often dressed in oversized, frumpy clothes. In fact I spent most of my senior year wearing one of my dad's old flannel shirts that was 3 or 4 sizes too big. But lately I've become oh so thankful for that past.
Why? Because I never defined myself with beauty I spent time trying to better myself in other areas: academics, friendships, and service. Because I felt no guy would want to date me and often dressed the part, I have very few heartaches in the ex-boyfriend department. I became a stronger woman because of my flaws. I can look back at my high school self and appreciate that fabulously flawed girl.
Yes, we are flawed and fabulous. Perfectly imperfect. And I'm realizing more we don't necessarily need to fix all of our flaws. Sometimes it's by embracing our flaws that we can realize how they have made us fabulous.
How about you? How are you fabulously flawed?
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