I spent the better part of last week engrossed in a mundane task...painting out entryway. The walls were highly textured, and there was a variety of trim that made the whole process slooooow. Anytime I have a mundane task that requires minimal attention but maximal time I always find my mind wandering. During this particular project I found myself contemplating matters such as my hair color, the Christmas letter I need to write, and "if the world really does end on 12-21-12 the time I spent painting was really quite silly" (which is why I haven't written my Christmas letter...if we're all still here on 12-22 I'll write it, and it will be late like usual). I also had a specific contemplative thought..."what type of news could I receive right now that would make me drop this paint and leave the job unfinished?" Something life changing that happens to nearly everyone at some point. An accident. A diagnosis. A tragedy. Luckily my mind did not dwell there. I did not yet know of the horror that was playing out in an elementary school.
As soon as the last swipe of paint was on the wall I checked my facebook newsfeed. And there it was. At the time the reports were that the shooting had taken place in a kindergarten classroom. Kindergarten. My daughter. And for that moment I had that wave of panic. But the reality was not mine. And as I took a breath there was deep down inside that groan all of us experienced..."No. Just no." Grief. Disbelief. Before there is a thought of a political rant about gun control or religion or mental illness there was that moment that is filled with anguished silent wailing.
I wanted to race to the school to get my daughter. I wanted to embrace her. I wanted her to know how important she is to me. But instead of causing her panic by pulling her out of school I went to the store and bought a frame to display a picture she had drawn of me drinking a large cup of coffee. I had been wanting to do it, and I decided I didn't want another day to go by without her having another tangible way for me to show her I love her.
When the time did come to pick her up from school I wanted to hug her, but I knew my tears would start again. So I took her little hand in mine like I usually do, a little tighter this time, and asked her about her day. She was sad about not having time to finish a project at school. I wanted that innocence back for the children of Newtown, Conneticut, that the worst part of their day would have been not completing a project. That the parents would have to deal with telling a child to use their inside voice rather than face the silence.
On Monday morning I'll be sure to give her an extra hug. If she wants to cuddle a little extra this weekend I'll be sure to take the time. And I pray that I never again take for granted each day God has given us as a family.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Singing Those Post-Halloween Candy Blues
Two days ago we bundled up our little Samurai and Fairy-Butterly-Princess for the yearly walk for candy. Although we only went trick or treating for about an hour, the kids both brought home quite a haul. Snickers. Reese's. Icky pink bubblegum. Kit Kats. Twix. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Plenty of temptation and naughtiness for anyone (or any family) trying not to indulge their sweet tooth too much.
Maybe you fell prey the first night to "checking" your kids' candy bags, for their safety of course;) And along the way, a Snicker here or a Hershey's there just had to be sampled. And what kid is going to eat an Almond Joy, so you had that too (and by you I mean me). Suddenly you found yourself in a guilt-induced panic and shoved all the wrappers to the bottom of the garbage, because then the calories just don't count.
Determined to do better, you told yourself no more candy. And that lasted until 10am and you grabbed another Snickers because it really does satisfy. And then a Reese's because surely you burned it off somehow. And by the end of day you once again felt like you failed the post-Halloween candy test.
Day 3...how are you doing?
I'm a firm believer in a few things:
1. Chocolate (or select goodie of your choice) in small amounts is good for morale. A fun size bar is around 100 calories. That's like walking or jogging a mile, give or take. So one is probably going to be okay if the rest of your eating is healthy. More than that you are going to have to work off or pay the consequences. And note: it is much easier to consume 300 calories worth of fun size bars...it is much harder to get those 3 miles in.
2. If you are really, really trying to lose weight at the moment, it's best to steer clear completely. I am one that much too easily thinks one little bite won't hurt...and then it becomes 10. Or thinking that my morning workout burned way more calories than what it actually did. If you are trying to see the scale go down, for me it really did work best to cut out all the goodies for a time and slowly add them back in at a much smaller dosage once you hit your goal.
So how can you deal with temptation if it's lurking in a fake jackolantern basket?
1. Out of sight, out of mind. Put those puppies where you can't see them or easily reach them.
2. Set limits and follow them. In our house, that means one treat a day for everyone. We're trying to teach the kids neither to fear food nor be given to gluttony. That's about 100 calories or less per person.
3. If the limits aren't working (or if you are really serious about winning the losing battle)...flee, flee, flee temptation. Get it out of your sight. Get it out of the house if you need to. I had to do this last year since I started my weight loss plan on Nov. 1. Not a bite. Not ever until I hit my goal.
4. If your whole family needs to steer clear of the sweets, consider enlisting the help of a "switch witch" (or other clever name you come up with). Leave the candy out for the "witch", the next day the candy will be gone but a non-food prize will be there. Note: the candy must go directly in the outside garbage and throw the nastiest thing you can on it so you don't dumpster dive in a moment of chocolate craving. IT SHOULD NOT GO TO YOUR SECRET CANDY DRAWER.
Maybe you fell prey the first night to "checking" your kids' candy bags, for their safety of course;) And along the way, a Snicker here or a Hershey's there just had to be sampled. And what kid is going to eat an Almond Joy, so you had that too (and by you I mean me). Suddenly you found yourself in a guilt-induced panic and shoved all the wrappers to the bottom of the garbage, because then the calories just don't count.
Determined to do better, you told yourself no more candy. And that lasted until 10am and you grabbed another Snickers because it really does satisfy. And then a Reese's because surely you burned it off somehow. And by the end of day you once again felt like you failed the post-Halloween candy test.
Day 3...how are you doing?
I'm a firm believer in a few things:
1. Chocolate (or select goodie of your choice) in small amounts is good for morale. A fun size bar is around 100 calories. That's like walking or jogging a mile, give or take. So one is probably going to be okay if the rest of your eating is healthy. More than that you are going to have to work off or pay the consequences. And note: it is much easier to consume 300 calories worth of fun size bars...it is much harder to get those 3 miles in.
2. If you are really, really trying to lose weight at the moment, it's best to steer clear completely. I am one that much too easily thinks one little bite won't hurt...and then it becomes 10. Or thinking that my morning workout burned way more calories than what it actually did. If you are trying to see the scale go down, for me it really did work best to cut out all the goodies for a time and slowly add them back in at a much smaller dosage once you hit your goal.
So how can you deal with temptation if it's lurking in a fake jackolantern basket?
1. Out of sight, out of mind. Put those puppies where you can't see them or easily reach them.
2. Set limits and follow them. In our house, that means one treat a day for everyone. We're trying to teach the kids neither to fear food nor be given to gluttony. That's about 100 calories or less per person.
3. If the limits aren't working (or if you are really serious about winning the losing battle)...flee, flee, flee temptation. Get it out of your sight. Get it out of the house if you need to. I had to do this last year since I started my weight loss plan on Nov. 1. Not a bite. Not ever until I hit my goal.
 |
| Add caption |
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Being okay with less than perfect
A few weeks ago I drove an hour to see the weight loss counselor I had previously only met through the phone for weekly weigh in and accountability. The accountability and her encouragement was a big part of why I was able to lose the weight. I had a free day so I decided to go and meet her, hoping it would be a totally encouraging experience. And the first thing she did was put me on a scale, which also measured body fat. According that those calculations I "should" lose another 10-15 pounds. I told her I was actually quite happy with where I was. I feel like this is a weight I can maintain with healthy eating (but still room for chocolate) and moderate exercise.
But then my guilt kicked in. Maybe I should lose the 10-15 pounds. Maybe I would look better or feel even better or it would make me a better person. So I tried for a few days to get back on a more restricted eating plan to lose the weight...and I just couldn't do it. I was crabby. I was tired. And more guilt set in. Why couldn't I do this for another 10 pounds? I think the biggest reason was, well, not really having a reason. I was being motivated by guilt of what someone else thought I should weigh. And having guilt as motivation is both unhealthy and not much motivation.
So I decided to be happy with my current weight. Where I am. Right now. This really is the place where I have a sustainable, healthy eating pattern that includes veggies and chocolate. I am able to exercise for enjoyment without being motivated by guilt (you have to do this) or fear (if I don't run I will regain the weight). This is the weight that is right for me for the time.
At any time life or health circumstances may change causing my weight to climb up or down the scale. Or I may have a change in mindset and want to (for me) lose a few more pounds. But it can't be out of guilt. Or fear. Or the misconception that if the scale goes down all of my problems will go away too. Most of them are still there whether I'm 153 pounds or 223 pounds. And it's really up to me and only me what weight is most appropriate for me.
Yes, deep down I may want to look like a fitness model (how can you not when we are constantly bombarded by marketing images that tell us what we should look like), but I know the extremely strict eating and excessive exercise it would take for me to get there...sacrificing things that are more important than getting into a bikini (it's never gonna happen!) I'd rather be available for my husband, kids, family, and friends. I want to be there to celebrate the joys and cry at the heartaches. That would be hard to do if I was always striving for the perfect body. But at the same time I'm working on being the healthiest I can be so that I'm around for as many laughs and cry fests as I can.
But then my guilt kicked in. Maybe I should lose the 10-15 pounds. Maybe I would look better or feel even better or it would make me a better person. So I tried for a few days to get back on a more restricted eating plan to lose the weight...and I just couldn't do it. I was crabby. I was tired. And more guilt set in. Why couldn't I do this for another 10 pounds? I think the biggest reason was, well, not really having a reason. I was being motivated by guilt of what someone else thought I should weigh. And having guilt as motivation is both unhealthy and not much motivation.
So I decided to be happy with my current weight. Where I am. Right now. This really is the place where I have a sustainable, healthy eating pattern that includes veggies and chocolate. I am able to exercise for enjoyment without being motivated by guilt (you have to do this) or fear (if I don't run I will regain the weight). This is the weight that is right for me for the time.
At any time life or health circumstances may change causing my weight to climb up or down the scale. Or I may have a change in mindset and want to (for me) lose a few more pounds. But it can't be out of guilt. Or fear. Or the misconception that if the scale goes down all of my problems will go away too. Most of them are still there whether I'm 153 pounds or 223 pounds. And it's really up to me and only me what weight is most appropriate for me.
Yes, deep down I may want to look like a fitness model (how can you not when we are constantly bombarded by marketing images that tell us what we should look like), but I know the extremely strict eating and excessive exercise it would take for me to get there...sacrificing things that are more important than getting into a bikini (it's never gonna happen!) I'd rather be available for my husband, kids, family, and friends. I want to be there to celebrate the joys and cry at the heartaches. That would be hard to do if I was always striving for the perfect body. But at the same time I'm working on being the healthiest I can be so that I'm around for as many laughs and cry fests as I can.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The heaviest day of my life
On October 23, 2006 I waddled into my doctor's office for my last check up before my daughter was born. I stepped on the scale to see a number I never thought I would see...223. At 5'5" (and that's in shoes and with a little positive thinking), 223 was quite the strain on this body. I had spent a majority of my life in the overweight to obese category and gaining 45+ pounds with my first pregnancy did not help my health.
About 14 hours later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl...who weighed just over 6 pounds, not 45. Sigh.
That was my heaviest day. October 23, 2006. 223 pounds.
Six years later I am 70 pounds lighter. 153. And my knees and body thanked me by compelling me to go out for an unscheduled run.
Am I a better person 70 pounds lighter? Not in any of the ways that truly matter in life. In fact, I probably struggle with body image more now than I ever did when I was on the wrong side of the 200's. Am I superior to someone who is obese (or inferior to someone who graces the cover of a fitness magazine?) Heavens no on both accounts (phew!) The number on the scale will always be just one piece of an infinitely intricate puzzle that makes up who we are. It makes me healthier than I was six years ago. It has given me a confidence that I can accomplish goals I never imagined possible. It is one part of who I am but does not define who I am.
About 14 hours later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl...who weighed just over 6 pounds, not 45. Sigh.
That was my heaviest day. October 23, 2006. 223 pounds.
Six years later I am 70 pounds lighter. 153. And my knees and body thanked me by compelling me to go out for an unscheduled run.
Am I a better person 70 pounds lighter? Not in any of the ways that truly matter in life. In fact, I probably struggle with body image more now than I ever did when I was on the wrong side of the 200's. Am I superior to someone who is obese (or inferior to someone who graces the cover of a fitness magazine?) Heavens no on both accounts (phew!) The number on the scale will always be just one piece of an infinitely intricate puzzle that makes up who we are. It makes me healthier than I was six years ago. It has given me a confidence that I can accomplish goals I never imagined possible. It is one part of who I am but does not define who I am.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Eating my way through the holidays
Ah, the endless holiday season is upon us. The stores are filled with goodies and decorations for the upcoming celebrations: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. And while I can walk right past a cute autumn wreath, I'm drawn like a moth to a flame to the bags of candy, the boxes of cookies, and the ingredients to make all my own goodies. It was about a year ago I finally decided to get serious and lose some of my excess weight. November 1 was the day I started. Yes, the day after Halloween I gave up all sweets and candy and excess breads and excess dairy. I didn't sneak a single candy bar out of my kids' bags. I didn't have a nibble of pumpkin pie. I had one, count it ONE (okay, maybe two, but no more than two) Christmas cookies the whole season. From November 1 to January 1 I lost a little over 15 pounds. It wasn't fun just having turkey and veggies on Thanksgiving, but it helped me reach my goal. And I told myself "there's always next year."
So it's next year. And already I'm worried about how I'm going to navigate all the festivities (not to mention a move to a new house). I don't want to be as restrictive as I was last year, but I also don't want to get to 2013 and be busting out of my pants. I'm not exactly sure how it will work, but here is my plan at this point. I'd be interested to hear other ideas of how you stay healthy yet sane during the endless festivities.
For now, I'm entering my food into myfitnesspal.com to keep track of my calories. I have it set at a range that I "should" lose 1 pound a week. I actually stopped my weight loss a few pounds before I reached my goal, so I've decided to finish it out and hit my goal. Hopefully by Thanksgiving I'll hit that goal without too much struggle. Then I plan to continue the same eating through the rest of the year, but allow myself on the actual holidays to enjoy the spread. Note the emphasis on the day. Not Thanksgiving week or Christmas month, but the day of a family celebration to celebrate. And the rest of the days focus on eating a healthier calorie range.
It's easier said than done. I have a bag of pumpkin kisses in my freezer just begging me to be polished off while watching season 3 of Glee. And right now my real feelings toward losing are something like "it would be really nice if that happened" versus last year's "I'm just going to put my head down, plow through, and do this."
I'd like to hear other thoughts on how people navigate food culture during celebrations.
So it's next year. And already I'm worried about how I'm going to navigate all the festivities (not to mention a move to a new house). I don't want to be as restrictive as I was last year, but I also don't want to get to 2013 and be busting out of my pants. I'm not exactly sure how it will work, but here is my plan at this point. I'd be interested to hear other ideas of how you stay healthy yet sane during the endless festivities.
For now, I'm entering my food into myfitnesspal.com to keep track of my calories. I have it set at a range that I "should" lose 1 pound a week. I actually stopped my weight loss a few pounds before I reached my goal, so I've decided to finish it out and hit my goal. Hopefully by Thanksgiving I'll hit that goal without too much struggle. Then I plan to continue the same eating through the rest of the year, but allow myself on the actual holidays to enjoy the spread. Note the emphasis on the day. Not Thanksgiving week or Christmas month, but the day of a family celebration to celebrate. And the rest of the days focus on eating a healthier calorie range.
It's easier said than done. I have a bag of pumpkin kisses in my freezer just begging me to be polished off while watching season 3 of Glee. And right now my real feelings toward losing are something like "it would be really nice if that happened" versus last year's "I'm just going to put my head down, plow through, and do this."
I'd like to hear other thoughts on how people navigate food culture during celebrations.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
What creeps in
It starts like a trickle. Little compromises. A nibble of cookie at the office. A little extra helping of supper. A latte just because. And "suddenly" our weight and habits are right back to where we started, and we are left wondering "how did I gain this weight back?"
Why do 95% of dieters gain back the weight? I think it starts one compromise at a time. I can't count the number of times I told myself "one little bite won't hurt" or "this brownie doesn't really make a difference." But it does. And when I finally lost the weight I really grasped that concept. That was one of the keys for me when it came to losing the weight. To realize that each bite really did matter AND that I had to be honest about what I was eating. The calories in that handful of chocolate chips count whether I write it down in my journal or not.
Recently I found those old thought patterns creeping back in. "This handful of chocolate chips won't make a difference." And honestly, if I include them in my daily calorie count and balance it with exercise, I can have some treats. But if I start absentmindedly nibbling on chocolate and chips or other snacky things without accounting for them in my overall calorie count, I'm going to be shopping for bigger pants.
So it's taking the discipline to include each indulgence in my food journal...and to be able to say "no" to excessive intake of chocolate.
Besides chocolate, the other goodie that started creeping in come in liquid form. It's so easy to ignore the calories in a latte or Gatorade because it is liquid. In fact, the country's waist lines have been expanding in large part due to the increase in size and variety of caloric beverages. And I find myself (especially as the cold sets in) wanting to have a coffee type beverage several times a day. Coffee itself is calorie free and relatively harmless. But add in some whole milk, sugar, and flavoring and it goes from non-harmful to "show me the elastic band pants". My goal is to say no to the drinks most of the time and ask myself "is that really worth 360 calories and $5??"
Eleven months after my weight loss journey began and six months after reaching my goal my scale is staying in my maintenance zone. It still takes consistency and vigilance, but it is worth it.
Why do 95% of dieters gain back the weight? I think it starts one compromise at a time. I can't count the number of times I told myself "one little bite won't hurt" or "this brownie doesn't really make a difference." But it does. And when I finally lost the weight I really grasped that concept. That was one of the keys for me when it came to losing the weight. To realize that each bite really did matter AND that I had to be honest about what I was eating. The calories in that handful of chocolate chips count whether I write it down in my journal or not.
Recently I found those old thought patterns creeping back in. "This handful of chocolate chips won't make a difference." And honestly, if I include them in my daily calorie count and balance it with exercise, I can have some treats. But if I start absentmindedly nibbling on chocolate and chips or other snacky things without accounting for them in my overall calorie count, I'm going to be shopping for bigger pants.
So it's taking the discipline to include each indulgence in my food journal...and to be able to say "no" to excessive intake of chocolate.
Besides chocolate, the other goodie that started creeping in come in liquid form. It's so easy to ignore the calories in a latte or Gatorade because it is liquid. In fact, the country's waist lines have been expanding in large part due to the increase in size and variety of caloric beverages. And I find myself (especially as the cold sets in) wanting to have a coffee type beverage several times a day. Coffee itself is calorie free and relatively harmless. But add in some whole milk, sugar, and flavoring and it goes from non-harmful to "show me the elastic band pants". My goal is to say no to the drinks most of the time and ask myself "is that really worth 360 calories and $5??"
Eleven months after my weight loss journey began and six months after reaching my goal my scale is staying in my maintenance zone. It still takes consistency and vigilance, but it is worth it.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Synergy
Today my facebook newsfeed was filled with pictures of friends who had conquered various races: mud runs, triathalons, several different half marathon races. And it made me jealous. Jealous? Me who hated running or any physical activity that didn't have the specific purpose of winning a game? Yes, me. Jealous.
I often ask myself why it bothers me so much that my body doesn't allow me to run much anymore. There are still a host of activities I can do without joint pain: walking, biking, swimming, yoga, pilates, cleaning (yuck!). Why is it that I want to hold onto the running shoes so tightly? My facebook feed gave me the answer: synergy.
Synergy: two or more things functioning together to produce a result not independently obtainable. (from the ultimate source in reliability: wikipedia)
The pictures and stories of other runners spur me on to want to set and meet another goal. On my own I probably would not stay so motivated to hit the pavement or lift a weight. It's the positive peer pressure of others excited about physical activity...especially from those of us who were never so blessed as to have a host of athletic skills or natural physical ability. There's a camaraderie with runners that seems to accept all levels of skill (I'm usually at the back of the pack) and encourages continued personal achievement, even if that achievement is just making it around the block for the first time.
Even though most of my workouts these days are not running workouts (and those that are look more like a penguin shuffle), I am going to claim my "runner" status as long as I can. And allow that jealous feeling of "I wish I had just paid someone to let me swim, bike and run all while trying not to die so I could feel awesome and eat a guilt free meal at the Grand Traverse Pie company" motivate me to continue to be as active as my body will let me.
I often ask myself why it bothers me so much that my body doesn't allow me to run much anymore. There are still a host of activities I can do without joint pain: walking, biking, swimming, yoga, pilates, cleaning (yuck!). Why is it that I want to hold onto the running shoes so tightly? My facebook feed gave me the answer: synergy.
Synergy: two or more things functioning together to produce a result not independently obtainable. (from the ultimate source in reliability: wikipedia)
The pictures and stories of other runners spur me on to want to set and meet another goal. On my own I probably would not stay so motivated to hit the pavement or lift a weight. It's the positive peer pressure of others excited about physical activity...especially from those of us who were never so blessed as to have a host of athletic skills or natural physical ability. There's a camaraderie with runners that seems to accept all levels of skill (I'm usually at the back of the pack) and encourages continued personal achievement, even if that achievement is just making it around the block for the first time.
Even though most of my workouts these days are not running workouts (and those that are look more like a penguin shuffle), I am going to claim my "runner" status as long as I can. And allow that jealous feeling of "I wish I had just paid someone to let me swim, bike and run all while trying not to die so I could feel awesome and eat a guilt free meal at the Grand Traverse Pie company" motivate me to continue to be as active as my body will let me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)