Being okay with "now"

It's late (well, for me). Everyone in the house is snoring, yet I've been up thinking about that silly age-old question that I ask myself way too frequently: what do I want to do with my life?

It always goes back to a career question: maybe I should be doing this? Should I be looking for a job elsewhere? Should I be changing careers? What kind of job could I get in Hawaii?

So I spend time looking, dreaming, fretting. When in actuality, I like the "mini-jobs" I have right now so that I can fulfill my main role as mama. Sure, those mini-jobs may not be there next year or they may no longer fit with our family situation, but do I trust God enough to know that if they fall through, something else that is perfect for my life at that time will come along?

It starts welling up due to the inner struggle between what I thought I wanted (a great career) to the gift I've been given (my children)...and trying to find how I can have both. For me, I know that for now, the career is taking a bit of a back seat...just keeping my nose in it enough to return full force if I ever want to. I figure if I mess up by stepping out of my career the worse that could happen is I would have to go back to school/training to get back into the career world (and since I love school it wouldn't be bad at all). But if I spend too much time on my career and mess up my family through neglect there's no getting that back. Some parents can handle a solid career and family beautifully, but I know my bent and I know it's selfish and I know I would often choose work over family.

So I need to learn to be okay with now and not worry about where my career path will be in the future. I really could have spent the last two hours reading a book or something else more productive than looking at career websites for jobs I'm not even looking for right now.

But in case you're wondering, there are 2 GA position openings in Hawaii...but unless Greene Galvanized Stairs opens a Pacific Islands branch, I won't be applying.