Monday, February 20, 2012

Lyin' to myself

Isn't there a commandment about lying? As in we shouldn't? Yet why is it I was continually in a cycle of self-deception about what I was eating.

The last and probably biggest key that got me on track with (finally) truly eating healthy: I got honest with myself. Before each new optimistic bout with trying to lose weight I would make myself wonderful eating plans that should have worked...but they didn't. Why? Because I was never honest with myself and what I was eating. Even if I was tracking my food, I was "cheating" way too often. I was allowing way too many special occasions into my life and allowing them as an excuse to overeat the wrong foods. Mental conversations like "hey, it's national if-you're-happy-and-you-know-it,-clap-your-hands Day, better get a Shamrock Shake"  were happening way too much. And then I wouldn't be as honest in my tracking and at the end of the week when I hadn't lost I would get frustrated and wonder why, not being able to look back and see the shake (or two or three). I was caught in a cycle of not being honest with myself about what I was eating, which in turn would lead to frustration when each new "plan" wouldn't work and I couldn't figure out why, which would lead me to make or read a book on a new plan that I would start to follow only to not be fully honesty with get the picture (maybe you're living this picture). This past week or so I've been guilty of it again. Taking some bites of things here and there or eating something that is "slightly" off plan, but justifying it...then wondering why my loss has stalled. It took a little self-honesty to realize if I want to finish this journey AND continue with healthy habits, I need to be 100% honest. My husband has probably noticed, but he values his life and hasn't said anything:)

Going hand in hand with honesty...consistency. Once I'm honest I also need to stay on my plan consistently. For success this time it has meant eating on plan 100% of the time. That meant no pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, and minus a few cookies on Christmas Eve, no Christmas goodies. No Valentines candy, no pizza even when it looked and smelled sooooooo yummy. I'll be able to add those items back in, but not until I've completed my journey and learn how to enjoy them in a healthy way rather than a gluttonous way. You often hear "eat right 80% of the time". And for some people that may truly work. But I find that way too often my 80% was really more like a 50/50 split between health and naughtiness, which wasn't working. And that was when I was "trying" to eat healthy. So for now I'm all in, 100% on plan, 100% of the time. And when I don't, I have to fess up to myself and my weight loss consultant so that I can make the mental and physical changes I need to.

And looking ahead toward the big M word (maintenance), I don't really know exactly what that will look like. But I know that I will have to keep a food journal for a long time to keep myself both honest and consistent. And most likely my forever plan will have to look something like 90% healthy, 10% in a given week I can choose to have pizza or ice cream or pizza or some cheesy pasta casserole or pizza (anyone guess what food I miss?) but not all of them. One meal. Not one meal that turns into a full weekend of gluttony that leaves me with an emotional sugar induced hangover.

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