Saturday, February 11, 2012

My so-called private life

I have no problem posting a bit of worthless rambling of everyday, mundane happenings on my facebook status. I'll tell you all about the recent issues with potty training regression or the awesome deal I found on winter coats at JCP for $20 (both of which are true), but when it comes to things that people may actually want to know about, I find myself a lot more closed.

Take paying off debt. We were never very vocal about paying off our debt. We just went about the business of doing it. People probably just thought we were cheap when we would talk about how we didn't buy different things or be really reluctant to spend any money. When shopping with friends I would look the clearance rack, but unless we REALLY needed something, I wouldn't buy it. And instead of explaining that the reason I spent five minutes figuring out how much 40% off an already inexpensive shirt would cost only to decide not to buy the item was due to a big family goal and not just because I was cheap. Now I may have been doing others a disservice by keeping the goal to myself. As I've found out by making our journey out of debt public, other people want to know these things. To know that they can do it too. To find some hope.

But I still find myself reluctant to talk about things like getting out of debt or my recent journey to a healthier weight.

If you know me and haven't seen me in a while and run into me, you'd notice the change. There's definitely a change in how I look. (If you've never met me and would run into me, you'd think "there's an average sized gal." And you're right, I've reached the land of average.) But if you are in the former group, you're bound to ask "what have you been doing?" I've heard this question a lot lately. A lot. Some people will pop in with an answer and say "oh, you like to exercise", which is true, but that's not how I have gotten to a healthier weight.

If you give me a second to answer I say, "I've been eating healthier." If you press me further I'll respond with "I've been eating more veggies and protein and cutting out the sweets." If you press me FURTHER I may even tell you the specific plan I've been using, but the information comes out slowly, like coaxing that last bit of a milkshake out of the bottom of a cup (oh milkshakes, I miss you.)

Why the reluctance? Lots of reasons, and I won't bore you with them all. But a big one is how personal and at many times painful my weight has been for me. Even thinking about expanding on that thought brings a little anxiety. But I've also been convicted that the dialog is important. I think a lot of people share similar experiences and may benefit from hearing not just my professional knowledge but from my personal experience. Part of the reason I've been convinced of this is looking at other "healthy living" blogs. Many that I came across are by people who are naturally thin and their version of "fat" is way lower than the experience of most of us. One I just looked at talked about how she was disgusted when she couldn't fit into her size 5 jeans...and I'm supposed to relate to that? Now to my friends who are naturally a size 5, bless you. I love you just as much as my friends who are a 15 or a 25, but please understand, most of us never have and never will relate to that experience.

I'm going to start sharing my thoughts and experience. Not as in "you need to exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes" thoughts, but the deeper ones like how I still feel out of place in most clothing stores. For some reason the prospect of sharing my healthier living experiences with others is causing me a little anxiety. But I want to inspire others to live a healthier life and know that you don't have to be a size 5 or look like a ripped fitness model to be healthy. And the experiences of those women probably don't carry over to those of us who are, well, average and above. And please interact with questions or your own thoughts.

I hope you enjoy the journey with me. My goal is to post regularly, so check back frequently or sign up to follow the blog if you want to hear the top (funny) things I've learned from my weight loss or even when I get brave enough to share my numbers.

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